In this life, only two things are certain. While they might be more likely to sprout up during a lull or a rough patch with your partner, they can strike at any time. Maybe there’s a cute barista at the coffee place down the street, or a sexy new person in your friend circle, and you find yourself looking forward to your future interactions with them a liiiiiittle too much, and bask in the rush from their attention for hours afterwards.

It might feel special, but it’s incredibly normal. Our brains are excellent at convincing us that sex with this new person will be extremely hot. Because as steamy as the sex you’re already having with your partner may be, it’s still the same steamy sex you’ve been having for the past four years.

Here’s how to get over a crush that you had strong feelings for in a healthy who you have to see often or who is taken by someone else. Write the date and then write out what’s going on, how you’re feeling, Hiding Mean Girls kind of interactions you want to have, then be clear on your deal breakers.

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